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Thursday, November 10th, 2005
7:16 pm - Constants
Sometimes the urge to cry
Comes way too soon
Sometimes the feelings of isolation
Are completely self-imposed
Sometimes I look to you for comfort
And I can't explain why
Sometimes I am submerged in my thoughts
And you shiver from the cold
Sometimes I am fractured,
Fragile
and Forlorn
But your love is always there
And I am never doubting
Or wanting

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Sunday, March 27th, 2005
5:15 pm - because you can't/you won't/and you don't stop
The hunger that can't be sated
The memories not abated
The singularity overrated
--I am mated--
And now slated
For destruction

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Wednesday, January 5th, 2005
4:09 pm - small scope
I used to be afraid of dying without being cleanly shaven.

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Wednesday, December 15th, 2004
12:01 pm - robo
He would choke me from the backseat with my safety belt, giggling as I struggled to free myself. I would retaliate by crushing his legs under my reclined seat, teeth bared and snickering. Children are such strange, savage beasts.

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Friday, October 1st, 2004
9:13 am - I'm not that clever...
"eros, eyesore"

~Adah, Poisonwood Bible

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Thursday, August 19th, 2004
7:19 pm - jwe
The warmth of my blood
The flush of my skin
The gleam in my eyes
The softness in my voice

The truth in my words
The strength in my heart
The love that I give
The happiness in my soul

Are all because of you
Your love
Your care
Your protection
Your integrity
Your spirit

My dear

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Saturday, July 10th, 2004
1:02 pm - season
How is it possible for the feeling to sustain? It is striking and singular. I know this is my special time. Once it is gone, nothing can replace it. I am almost afraid to take it all in.
Greedy, yet cautious.
All aspects of life have a glow of warmth. I don't know if I could survive the winter.

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Wednesday, May 19th, 2004
8:41 pm - The Bath
Sweet submission
Muscles relaxed
Head tilted back

For the cleansing

Giggles and trust
Arms outstretched
Wrapped and shivering

Comforted

Clean

And ready for slumber

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Sunday, February 22nd, 2004
3:15 pm - wizened
Sidewalk deja vu
I really wanted you
What a beautiful day
For demise

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Friday, December 20th, 2002
10:19 pm - Origami
It all comes flooding back and I miss it terribly. Something as simple as the fold of a page makes me miss my home.

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Tuesday, October 8th, 2002
11:28 am - ayn
We take the word "I" for granted until it means nothing.

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Thursday, July 25th, 2002
9:39 am - heather
Languidly she walks in my general direction. I gaze upon her buoyant flesh, wonderfully unaware of the cruel nature of gravity. Womanhood had erupted within her, warping her strength into softness, her wire into waves. She is not graceful, or sensuous, only honest and without pretense. Her appeal lies in her ignorance of her seductive abilities. A gift, a tool, a weapon, a self-destructive force…

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Friday, June 28th, 2002
10:20 pm - lest we forget
Upon first glance, the sight of him is overwhelming. I carry a version of him in my mind, but it does him no justice, I think to myself, as I take him in. Feeling his arm around me, I rediscover his body. The simple heft of another human being is a renewed experience. For days afterward, I am in a state of bliss. I realize that, in his absence, a space was created inside myself and having him back fills me up. I feel at peace again. I am tender and fragile, yet he seems to sense that and in turn he is patient and attentive. My bond to him has strengthened to the point that I feel he is a part of me. A vital part, without which there is no guarantee for survival…integral.

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Sunday, June 2nd, 2002
9:20 am - Florence 1995
She slipped in from the outside. In to the Whiskers-A-Go-Go nightclub in Florence. Yes, it sounds glamorous, but her reason for being there was anything but. She moved along the perimeter, scanning the crowd for her target. When she found him, she shot for him, straight as an arrow. Of course, when she reached him she resumed her former reserved stance, yet beaconed him with her teasing grin. She talked in a low voice purposely, so according to plan, he asked her if she would like to go someplace quieter. She hinted a nod, so they left. She was leading him to his death, like so many others before him, but she had no remorse. After all, had they shown any mercy to her? The stranger’s amber eyes glinted with excitement as she carefully, skillfully, wrapped her web around his heart. Sometimes it was just too easy…

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Saturday, May 18th, 2002
11:24 pm - Shelbi
And as she bends over, I am blissfully aware of what makes her a woman. I yearn for it. I yearn to become it. I want it to encompass me. That lovely discrepancy between girl and life-creating vessel.

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Thursday, April 25th, 2002
9:15 am - Silent All These Years
I have been his captive for a long time. It has been a torture beyond explanation. The cold, lonely nights, with nothing to occupy my time, have changed my disposition from an exuberant, hopeful youth to a despondent, miserable ancient. My captivator’s lone aggravation is noise of any sort.

Three times a day, he brings me food so that I will not starve. His intention is not to kill me, only to control me. This silence is an unbearable torture I cannot escape. When he brings me food we do not communicate in any form. It he has to inform me of anything, it is on a written plane.

One day, there was a noise from the outside. It was like a million chimes all at once, and all off key.

I wondered how my captivator had reacted. He did not come with my evening meal until later that usual and I was hungry. When he finally appeared, he looked like he’d gone insane and it would only take a slight push to send him back into a fit of rage. I had come to expect him at the same time every day and I had even figured out when he would be at the base of my platform.

I had to get away from this situation. I thought and thought and finally the idea came to me. I dragged my cast iron bed millimeter by millimeter, ever so soundlessly, for fear that one scratch would bring my plan to a screeching halt. One whole side of my prison was open like an arena and was enclosed in glass. One day I finally made it to the edge. My jailer would come for dinner in a few hours so I had idle time to dream of what it would be like when I was free.

Finally, the time came and I could feel the tension mounting in my psyche as I watched him get closer and waited for the right time….now…My brain screamed out at my muscles as I screeched the iron bed along the unforgiving floor. My captivator stood, frozen by the noise. One last look as I shoved the mass of iron over the edge. My captivator would never hear noise again. I was released. I ran down the stairs and out of that place, never to return.

As I tried to yell for someone to help me, I found I had no voice. At first I was frightened, but not nearly as frightened as when someone did come to my aid and, as they talked, I found myself tortured by the sound of their voice. My captivator’s torment had become my own.

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Sunday, April 7th, 2002
9:00 am - echo
Fur Elise makes me want to cry....

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Wednesday, April 3rd, 2002
8:58 am - entheate
Divining my body
Feeling me out
Sensate and tingling
Making me shout
You get inside
And take control
Flooded with feeling
Becoming guttural

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Tuesday, March 12th, 2002
8:55 am - femme
Violent, vivid contortions
Triggered by a flash of you
Your confident gait
Your impersonal smile
I long to catch you by surprise
I want to see what you hide
Yet tastefully advertise
Open the door on your private world
And invite myself inside
Hold me like a mother
Pull me in like a lover
I want to experience your beauty
But you will leave me unfulfilled
The paradox of my nature
Wrought against your will

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Monday, March 4th, 2002
5:25 pm - bairn
To create something innocent out of something so impure. Perfection springing from a damaged, mangled soul. Faith from hopelessness. Trust from fear. Wholeness from broken bits. Fragility from toughness. The promise is renewed.

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